Before we start thinking about how to boost confidence or increase confidence or how to be more confident more of the time, all of which are possible let’s first take some time beforehand to really consider this question:
What does confidence mean to you?
When you really consider it, this is a vital question for you to understand and have at least some answers to. At the end of the day, confidence actually means different things to different people. This insight is the first step in feeling more confident more of the time.
Let us consider what confidence might mean to different people. To some, the ability to talk to a group of people is an indication of confidence and yet that person may struggle to travel in an elevator. Or confidence means being able to walk into a room full of strangers and strike up a conversation and yet that person may struggle to drive to a new location.
Here we have to make some important distinctions:
1. We have to understand that confidence is a feeling
2. We have to identify that talking in front of a room full of people, driving to new locations and striking up a conversation with a stranger are all learned skills
3. We also have to understand that confidence is not a fixed state but a continuum.
Confidence is a feeling
Let’s have a think about this. When we really sit and consider what confidence actually means to us, we can then begin to pinpoint more accurately the times that we feel lack of confidence and compare them to the times that we do feel confidence.
Take a few minutes to think about some kind of task that you do really easily or that you enjoy doing. It could be something as simple as making a cup of tea or doing the dishes. A task that you can do effortlessly and dare I say it confidently (!).
Because right there in those tasks that you enjoy and can do easily is a source of the confident feeling. Once you start to think of it, it becomes much easier to separate out the specific tasks, or type of events where you feel confidence is not at its strongest.
Confidence not at its’ strongest
Let’s now think about that statement. Hopefully you have now identified tasks and situations where you feel comfortable, you can take them in your stride, with what you can now begin to notice is confidence.
Now let us think about the other areas of your life that you feel you have no confidence. First of all remember confidence is a continuum. You do not have ‘no confidence’, it exists inside of you, it’s just not where you want it to be and in the quantity that you would ideally like it. It’s low down on the continuum at the moment. This does not mean that it always will be and it does not mean that it is an overall state of being.
Now ask yourself, what is it about this skill or situation that creates that feeling of ‘no confidence’?
Is it a skills or experience gap?
Is it a lack of feedback?
Is it an experience of negative feedback in the past which is hindering you in the present?
Is it the expectations of others?
Once you can identify what it is about the skill or situation that creates the feeling of ‘no confidence’ then you have created a road map of how to change it.